How to Find Your People
a guide to New York's social clubs & virtual communities
October 2nd, 2024
I’ve always believed that there is one way meet Your People that is particularly effective. It unites like-minded strangers, will help you find your life partner (if that’s what you’re looking for), and conversely, is the reason why dating apps suck. It is simple but true: do what you love.
When I tell you ‘do what you love,’ what comes to mind? What is that thing for you? Are there too many things to list? Or, are you ashamed that you haven’t found ‘it’ yet? How do you know that you’ve found ‘it,’ anyway? These are all questions that I’ve asked myself in the last year. I’m convinced that every person in their twenties has a daily mini-crisis of this kind. I’ll speak for myself; I certainly do.
In short: if you’ve found what you love, do it. Do more of it, and don’t care what other people think (more on this later from yours truly, a recovering people-pleaser). If you haven’t found ‘it’ yet, then explore something that you like. In fact, do many things that you like. There may not be one single ‘it’ after all.
When you surround yourself with people who are also doing that thing you love, magic is bound to happen. You’ll meet people who are also totally obsessed with it, just like you. You’ll meet people who have had your same questions and challenges. It will feel validating, and interesting, and fun, and sometimes childlike (in the best of ways). And, perhaps most exciting, these people will help you broaden your network of lovers-of-that-thing.
Here’s an example.
I love to ski. I grew up ski racing in Upstate NY, and skiing will forever be a huge part of my life (and the reason why my second toe nails fall off every year, whoops!). I love the feeling of snow sliding underneath my skis, having fresh winter air whoosh past me, and being almost out of control going down the mountain. It makes me feel alive.
So, no, the most effective way to find fellow ski-lovers isn’t to go swipe on Hinge or Bumble BFF (I’m talking effectiveness, not convenience). It’s to go skiing. And even better, to join a community that loves to ski.
The best way to find Your People is to join a community that does what you love.
There is no better way, that I’ve discovered at least, to feel celebrated and alive. Joining a community will give you this beautiful sense of belonging. As icon Pat Benatar has told us from the start, “we belong together.”
Luckily for you New York folk, there are countless social clubs that might pique your interest and help you meet Your People. I understand that it can be intimidating to put yourself out there, and as temps drop, it’s increasingly tough to leave your warm apartment and venture outside. I promise that the warmth of these groups - their community and friendship - will make them so worth your while.
And - for those outside of the city, most of these communities have large online presences, too! Think: newsletters, group chats, and virtual events.
If you’re interested in making friends in places other than your fave dive bar’s bathroom, consider testing out the communities below. You never know what amazing people you’ll find by putting yourself out there. As always, report back and let me know how it goes.
If you’re into health and wellness: Lime Social Club, NYC & Boston
About Lime: Lime was founded by Caite Opfer after she discovered just how hard it is to make friends after college. She created Lime to bring like-minded people together to engage in health, wellness, and artistic events. Most members are in their 20s and 30s, and events range from group fitness classes (at places like Barry’s and Othership!), journaling nights, group runs, and speaking panels.
Why I love it: Lime events are so friendly. I’ve noticed that lots of groups advertise that you can attend events alone, and Lime is truly practicing what they preach. I’ve never left one of Lime’s events without getting a few new friends’ phone numbers. These events are mostly free, or low cost (praise be).
If you’re a girlie getting back into running: Slow Girl Run Club, Manhattan
About SGRC: Slow Girl Run Club, or SGRC for short, runs weekly out of Automatic Slims (West Village) on Tuesday nights at 7pm. As their name clearly states (I was going to say ‘alludes to,’ but they really just did say it straight up), they run slowly. SGRC empowers young women to stay active by creating an inclusive space for all running paces. Their runs are 2 miles at a 11-12min/mi pace, but all paces are welcome. Unfortunately there is no official bag drop, but some members leave their bags at the bar (at your own risk).
Why I love it: I’ve felt a lot of shame getting back into running after playing four years of college sports and then… graduating. SGRC is the judgement-free zone that I’ve been looking for to build back my confidence with running. The pacing is accessible for many, and the social aspect is the push you need to get out the door with your sneaks. They sometimes collaborate with cool brands too, so expect to try exciting products from time to time.
If you love Indian food: BAZAAR, Brooklyn
About BAZAAR: This community is an Indian fusion supper club based in Prospect Heights, Brooklyn. Nirupa Konijeti, BAZAAR’s founder, spearheads a monthly, multi-course Indian meal and has had great success bringing people together for over a year. Each supper has ~12 guests and includes a beautiful & creative meal, made by Nirupa herself, as well as wine or cocktail pairings. The space is a dimly-lit, homey apartment space with sweeping views of Brooklyn.
Why I love it: I think BAZAAR is the perfect fall meal club. There is no shortage of wholesome fall vibes with the candlelit space, warm homemade Indian food, quality ingredients, and intriguing conversation. One of my favorite parts of this supper club is the prompts that Nirupa creates for guests to discuss at the dinner table.
If you want to reconnect with your creative side: Art Gurl, NYC and London
About Art Gurl: Art Gurl is a global creative community with a big online presence and physical hubs in NYC and London. According to the founder Meagan, the goal of Art Gurl is to bring art into the wellness conversation. Your creativity is a direct line to your intuition, and when you strengthen it as a muscle, it can become a rich tool for self discovery.
Why I love it: This group definitely taps into my inner child. They post daily drawing prompts, which gives members the opportunity to practice art and self care often. It’s an accessible, friendly, and sweet community!
If you’re a foodie: SOIRÉE, NYC
About SOIRÉE: SOIRÉE’s founder, Saanya Ali, wanted to take the conversation around cooking, culture, entertaining and hosting, food history, and all of the traditions that food inspires and make it fun, accessible, and exciting for a new generation. Her solution in creating SOIRÉE was to create a digital publisher that simplifies the stress of hosting and makes food fun through multimedia content and experiences, specifically - a social community, an ever-growing newsletter, and an in-person Soiree Supper Club.
Why I love it: From Saanya, SOIRÉE’ is “rooted in the belief that the truest connections are formed through playfulness and shared activity-based experiences, the goal is to ‘help people find their people.’” She’s preaching to the choir, big time.
What community group should I try next?
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You should come to open book club next!!
love your perspective on making new friends!!